When BFPs are bad.

When you don't want to see a BFP: two weeks after beginning misoprostol for a blighted ovum.
When you don’t want to see a BFP: two weeks after beginning misoprostol for a blighted ovum.

I think I knew it wasn’t over, even after my second round of 1600 mcg misoprostol (Cytotec). My pregnancy symptoms have lessened dramatically but some never completely went away. My breasts still feel too full.

But wait, don’t I KNOW it can take awhile for levels to drop? Yes. I know this. But when my hCG levels dropped so rapidly after losing the twins that I ovulated exactly 4 weeks after birth, I expect ever faster results with a measly blighted ovum. Okay, perhaps not measly. That sucker was still growing and happy inside my womb when I first tried to evict it around 8.5 weeks pregnant. I would now be 10.5 weeks.

My spotting is light. “That’s a good sign,” the ob/gyn beamed at me before my ultrasound today. My regular ob/gyn was booked. The backup ob/gyn, who canceled yesterday afternoon in a voicemail I didn’t see until the clinic was closed, apparently came down with pneumonia. I refused an appointment with Dr. Is-That-Okay.

This new-to-me ob/gyn was actually great. You can always recognize a good doctor when they have to give bad news. It is what it is, let’s not beat around the bush. Tell me flat out what I want to know and don’t try to lead me on and delay crushing my hopes.

“That doesn’t look good.” My character flaw is that I pointed it out while I’m sure she was still forming in her mind how much to tell me or how to break the bad news to me.

“No, this looks great,” she gestured to the clear area above it. Duh, but you know what I’m talking about, I think back to her. What ultrasonographers call “echogenicity.” Two little chunks of… whatever.

Moments later she called the spots “concerning,” but also said it might not matter if my β-hCG is low; the tissue could be shed later or reabsorbed. I was already mentally combing my calendar for a convenient day for a D&C. Don’t want to dwell and foolishly hope. She admitted she thought I would need a D&C. It’s Friday though, so I wanted specific thresholds. I will see my beta this online weekend, whereas she won’t check until Monday… I want to mentally prepare.

Some people are more anxious when overloaded with information. I am less anxious when I am armed with information for all possible contingencies so I know what to expect.

  • β-hCG < 100 – Another blood test Friday. Wait and see approach.
  • β-hCG 100-200 – Blood test Monday afternoon. If rapidly declining, wait and see.
  • β-hCG > 200 – D&C recommended.

To be continued.  Because duh.  It’s never over.

Day 24: New Acronyms

30 day blogging challenge details available at I Love You Potato.
For your consideration, I propose the following new acronyms.

TFF = totally fucking fucked

TFF = totally fucking fucked
When one ‘fuck’ just won’t cut it.

KP or KOP = kind of pregnant

kind of pregnant
When your BFP (big fat positive) is more likely a CP (chemical pregnancy) or impending MC (miscarriage) than a ‘sticky’ take-home-baby pregnancy.