Remove color and this could be water. It’s actually a celebratory glass of pinot grigio.
Remove color and this could almost be water. It’s actually a celebratory glass of pinot grigio.

October 6: Water

My blood was drawn Friday—a “stat” order I might add—and I slowly watched my lab results appear online. CBC with differential and ferritin, thanks for boring me. The only result I wanted to see was the only result I was unable to. I managed to distract myself well enough that I didn’t stew about it, though I was starting to get anxious as Monday afternoon approached and I still hadn’t heard anything.

Worth the wait: Friday beta hCG was 121. I may yet avoid a D&C! Cheers to that!

Bloodwork later this week to determine if it’s decreasing satisfactorily.

October photo-a-day challenge
October photo-a-day challenge by MRKH Mummy to Be. #letsgetsnappy

Day 9: FOOD

30 day blogging challenge details available at I Love You Potato.

Excuse me while I get on my soapbox. Ahem. For me, I feel best when closely following a primal or paleo lifestyle. That being said, everyone’s body is different, and what works for me may not work for you. But in general, eat more real food and less processed crap. ALSO, all of these crazy claims are just that—crazy. Eating 100 pineapple cores is not going to make a poor-quality embryo implant. It just won’t. *Steps down.*

Alter Eco Dark BlackoutNow, for comfort food!

My Number One Go To. Dark chocolate and whole organic milk. If you truly appreciate dark chocolate, my favorite is Alter Eco Dark Blackout (85%). It’s fruity and wonderful (not bitter), has low sugar, and doesn’t have any suspect ingredients. If you’re new to dark chocolate, however, I recommend Cachet 80% Ugandan dark chocolate—it’s milkier tasting for those who aren’t quite ready for a cacao fruit taste.

I prefer red wine in the fall, but if it’s still hot where you are, I recommend pairing chilled pinot grigio with fresh bacon. This accidental discovery became a repeat performance. Please indulge on my behalf, since I can’t enjoy this again until next summer.

Day 3: Grief Playlist

Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. -Vicki Harrison
credit: http://www.facebook.com/amandaonwriting

30 day blogging challenge details available at I Love You Potato.

I’m hijacking this prompt.  Rather than an infertility playlist, I give you my brief grief playlist.  These are mainstream (so un-hip), but I don’t listen much to the radio anymore, so haven’t tired of them yet.  They’re the few songs that have really stuck with me lately.

“All of Me” by John Legend (YouTube)

Who doesn’t love a song that talks about loving all my curves and edges?  Especially since my body is different having carried twins and the intense hunger they brought.  “Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too.”  DH and I both found this song very triggering in the wake of our loss, but now when I hear it, I almost like that it gives me pause to think about and remember my boys.

“Chandelier” by Sia (YouTube)

Wild abandon and complete disregard of consequences.  Let’s make some bad choices.   I want to live like tomorrow doesn’t exist.  Of course, it’s easy for me to romanticize it now because I obviously can’t drink.  I’m over the party scene and would prefer my late nights to focus on bonding and feeding and diapers.  Well, okay, not really diapers.

“Habits” by Tove Lo (YouTube)

You’re gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I’m missing you

It’s ironic, because I didn’t do any of that, except for the one day I sat down to have a glass of wine and drank the whole bottle (I think somewhere in the CD 1-7 range).  And I’m not trying to actively forget them, rather songs like this make me think of them.  I am very good now about making songs intended to be about ended relationships instead about my lost sons.